Chapter 2 - Life without Irvin

A Family Addicted

Chapter 2 - Life without Irvin 

I am sure that the entire country suffered as a result of millions going off to war.  WWII was a big war with many who lost their lives.  Irvin was just another young man who left a small town to defend his country.  For Irvin, he found comfort in his music and his brother, both he would have to leave.   For Rene, life was lonely without Irvin in her life.   That was sort of the story of Rene’s young life.  Her father’s insistence that they live their lives closely with the rules of their religious beliefs further isolated her.  However, at the little Catholic School down the road, she did meet a new friend that shared loneliness too.

Rene made friends with another woman whose man left the small town for war.   Rene befriended Rose who also had a love leave for the South Pacific to fight the Japanese.   Tommy and Rose had a special relationship much like Irvin and Rene. They wrote letters, sent pictures and kisses over the long distances. While at war Irvin made many close friends as they tried to stay safe from the random bombings and enemy fire in the hot south pacific. They drank beer, thinking nothing of it.  

For Rene and Rose, the loneliness and fear of the unknown became the topic of conversation on a daily basis.  Alcohol became the regular beverage. Long conversations were accompanied by many hours of drinking.    Years passed and soon the war was over.  Fortunately for Tommy and Irvin, they both came home safe and sound.    For Rene, Irvin coming home was the best day of her young life.  I always think about is that of the famous picture of the sailor who embraced his woman on Times Square, with confetti and music and everyone cheering for the returning heroes at the end of the war.  With that photo in mind, Irvin and Rene enjoyed so much happiness and hope for a new life.

Soon after returning, Irvin joined his brother Ed and opened a record sales store in their small community.  For Irvin, it was the perfect way to escape the world.  Music soothed Irvin and he escaped the realities of the small town.  For Rene, she was so happy that Irvin returned unscathed, but the uncertainty of the future created anxiety.

With all the joy on the surface, there was something that was wrong, although neither would realize it.  Alcohol was now a part of their lives.  For Irvin, alcohol was used as an escape from the horrors of war, for Rene, alcohol served as an escape from the loneliness and isolation she endured over her young years.  As it turns out, the same became true of Tommy and Rose who followed a very similar path.

The birth of alcohol dependence is often never identified, is it to hide from something?  To deal with an uncomfortable situation?  To be something or someone you are not?  Do you know someone who is an alcoholic, who started the way Rene or Irvin did?  Certainly at this point in their lives, Irvin and Rene never considered alcohol a “problem” not when life was just beginning for them and there was so much promise.

A New Life Begins …(to be continued)..

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Chapter 3 – A New Life Begins

A Family Addicted

Chapter 3 – A New Life Begins

Perhaps the best thing about the war was the opportunity of love and never ending happy life afterwards.  

Soon after the war, Rene and Irvin were married sealing their love forever.  Tommy and Rose also got married.   Tommy and Irvin were offered grants to attend Georgetown University.  Still best friends and brothers, Ed was crushed by Irvin’s decision to leave the business.  He became depressed and despondent.  To deal with his depression, he would sink his soul into music even deeper than ever before.   He continued to master music, shutting down from the world as music consumed his every fiber.   He suddenly became detached from his surroundings as he looked to music for comfort.

For Tommy and Irvin, Rose and Rene life at college and as married couples, best pals, the party just got started.  

Life at Georgetown was a far cry from the small town they left.  Irvin went to school studying international business, utilizing his Latin language skills, it seemed a natural fit.  Rene stayed at home and became the traditional 50's wife.  Rene was the perfect housewife, making sure that the apartment was tidy, meals prepared and a martini was waiting for Irvin when he got out of class.  Every weekend became a frat party.  Alcohol and tobacco, the drugs of choice. Rene was so uncomfortable at the frequent parties.   To cope with the stress of the parties,  Rene drank, martinis, many of them, and smoked cigarettes one after the other.  So did Irvin.  But for Irvin, it was different.  He was typically the life of the party, playing music, dancing and laughing till the wee hours.  Rene drank to be comfortable.  The years drew on and the 4 friends got closer, shared hangovers and started families together.   The parties became more frequent and Rene could never fit in.  

Amazingly, the parties never took the toll on the overall goal to get their degrees, and both Tommy and Irvin graduated. With degrees in hand, Tommy and Rose moved back toSouth Jersey.  For Irvin, with an international degree in hand, life called them out of the country. Like the good housewife,   Rene followed Irvin without question, into new worlds, her insecurities would grow and her only way of dealing with them became the alcohol she would consume.

It is always a mystery to me how people deal with their insecurities.  Would they turn to drugs? Alcohol?  Withdraw in some other way, as Ed did with his consumption of music.  Music such a wonderful gift, but to the point that it would separate you from the ones you love? 

Chapter  4: The Corporate Ladder and the World Traveler (to be continued..)

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A Family Addicted - Chapter 1 – Love in a small town

A Family Addicted - Chapter 1 – Love in a small town

In a small Farming community in South Jersey is where my story begins.  Irvin was born in 1926.  His mom, Angela was of Spanish descent; his dad was an Argentinean by way of Italy.  Spanish was the language for the house. He had an older sister named Elsie and a younger brother named Ed. Why would I mention these folks, you may wonder?  Well, it is a theory of mine that those relatives you have may be an indication of who you are or what you'll be.  Ed was a prodigy violinist, pianist and genius at the age of 5. He was the pride of the family. The family was encouraged to play music, Ed as the star was joined by Irvin on cello and Elsie on piano.  Irvin was a bright kid who loved basketball and laughed a lot.  Elsie was the mother hen, watching over the boys.

Rene was born in the same year, same town.  Her family lived on the outskirts of town, farming mostly, but they also worked in factories and made ends meet.  Rene had 2 sisters (Margaret and Joan) and a brother, named Stevie.  Rene had a childhood under some pretty strict rules.  As a Seventh Day Adventist, she was confined to a life of structure and rules, her dad, Was almost crazy with the rules.  The strap and kneeling for long periods were routine punishment.  At times Rene would spend hours in dark closets being punished for something she said or did.  She screamed for help. As a kid, growing up in this house was painful.  She suffered through years of isolation as her family obeyed the scripture as they knew it.  She grew up as a beautiful teen, with her friends noting her model looks, but rarely participated in any activities outside her circle of friends. Her brother Stevie rebelled.  He was always in trouble and routinely was punished. 

As Irvin grew up he became best friends with his brother, Ed.  They loved music, jazz, Latin, blues, it didn't matter.  They spent hours hanging out and listening, playing and laughing, one of their favorite past times.  Irvin was a vibrant youth who had a lanky frame and joined his catholic school's basketball team.  If it wasn’t music, it was basketball.

What makes the story interesting is that both Irvin and Rene attended a dance at the local catholic school. At the dance the 2 saw each other and recalled their friendship of years in the school yard. They became close friends over the years which began in 2nd grade. At the dance, they looked into each others eyes and realized that their friendship was much more than that, it was a bond that would lead to marriage.

For me, the entire story can be summed up by a few black and white photos. 

Fast forward to the 1940's... Imagine a romantic picture of a beautiful model like woman, and a handsome teen... They spent hours together listening to music, dancing and acting as if the world was theirs... Their love blossomed, the kind of love that was eternal, it was obvious.  

When I think of these days, I hear big band music playing and a fancy free life.  The war certainly put a damper on things.  Many lives changed, some for the better and some for the worse.  Many died and families suffered.  Fortunately my story doesn’t go there.  If it did, I would not be sitting here recalling the history of this romance.  Life did change.  Great times and times of challenge.  Like most young men in the 40's, life changed as Irvin was asked to defend his country, as he did without question.  

These times of isolation, loneliness and stress were no doubt the cause of a life of alcohol dependence.  Trying to shut down your loneliness or cope with the stress of normal life is what I think triggered Rene’s decisions to turn to alcohol.  Rene, my mom and Irv, my dad had a wonderful start at life, but the alcohol problems would be the dark cloud that would follow them for an entire lifetime.

Life without Irvin (To be continued…)

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A Family Addicted

A Family Addicted

A personal story of a family of 5 boys brought up in a household where addiction thrived and took its toll on the lives of many. 

Introduction

After years of contemplation and talking with my brothers, I decided to take some time to write our family story.  Why am I doing this? some might ask, well,  to accomplish 2 things. 

First I wanted to get my feelings about the personal tragedies in writing and reflect on them.  I am thinking that maybe just maybe this will help me heal some of the scars that every once in a while expose themselves.  

Secondly, I wanted to see if maybe, just maybe it can help others.   At the top of my “others” list is my family.  As I look at my two beautiful kids and watch them grow into their teens, I can’t help but reflect on the stories of my brothers and how young they were when they started delving into the alcohol and drugs.   How in the world can this be?  My kids at age 13 and 16, I can’t possibly imagine a life of drugs and alcohol younger than that.  Can’t imagine, but it happened.   So getting the truth that my family has hidden over the years can be useful to my kids, so they understand the stress I have every day in watching them grow-up with the influences around them.  If they read my family story, maybe they could open their eyes and know that it could happen to them. 

But this story is NOT just for my kids, but for everyone that might have the same history.  I look at the survivors in my family and I wonder, do they know the story?  I also wonder how many other families out there are just like mine?  How many people made the same decisions that my family did and how many people suffered because of them?  Better yet, how many people made the RIGHT decisions and turned their tragedy into triumphs.

The Family Addicted is a story of 2 generations of ordinary folks who dealt with alcohol, drugs, tragedies and triumph. 

Chapter 1 – Love in a small town (to be continued)

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